There is only one way to build healthy relationships and godly marriages: by doing what the Scriptures instruct us to do. If this one way is neglected marriage loses its sweetness.
The Bible has already given us the fruit of the Spirit, which represents the character of a true believer. When two individuals in a relationship genuinely operate in the fruit of the Spirit, it is impossible for that relationship to be unhealthy. Two people living by these principles will naturally create an atmosphere of love, patience, humility, and understanding.
The problem in our society today is that many of us want to do things outside the Bible. We want to live according to what seems best to us rather than according to what God has already instructed.
Think about it this way: if a manufacturer gives someone a manual explaining how to use a newly purchased device for the best performance, and that person ignores the manual, what do you think will happen?
Most likely, the person will quickly damage or spoil the appliance.
In the same way, many people experience terrible marriages and broken relationships, yet they turn around and blame God. But God has already given us the manual for life—the Bible. It contains clear guidance for building healthy, stable, and lasting relationships. The real question is: how many of us actually study it?
This also determines the level of satisfaction people experience in a relationship, as discussed in the post, ‘Three Levels of Satisfaction and Happiness in Marriage
How many of us take time to read it and apply its principles to our relationships?
How many of us even consider it relevant to our lives today?
Quote me anywhere on this: “No two people who are genuinely operating by the principles of the Bible in their relationship will have a bad relationship.”
If you think you have found such a case, please let me know. Let’s examine it together and see why a relationship built on the true principles of God’s Word would fail. I can confidently say that when the Word of God is sincerely applied by both people, the result will always be a healthy relationship.
Good preparation before entering a relationship helps prevent insecurity from developing
So stay with me as we explore how to build healthy relationships God’s way.
Why God’s Principles Matter in Relationships.
Let’s explore why God’s principles matter in a relationship and why we should apply them.
God’s principles matter in a relationship because He is the Alpha and the Omega of relationships. He is the one who designed and created them. Long before human beings began to define relationships in their own ways, God had already established the pattern for how they should work.
Without these principles, beauty alone will never be enough to sustain a relationship
From the very beginning of creation, we see that relationships were part of God’s plan for humanity. When God created man, He observed something important. Even though Adam was living in a perfect environment, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Adam himself had not yet realized his need for a close companion, but God knew. As the Creator, He understood what man needed even before man understood it himself.
You remember the story. Adam was asleep when God took one of his ribs and created Eve for him. This was God’s way of showing Adam that he was created to live in relationship with another person. Eve was not taken from Adam’s head to rule over him, nor from his feet to be trampled on, but from his side to walk beside him. From the very beginning, God was teaching the principles of companionship, unity, and partnership.
This tells us something very important: relationships did not originate from human ideas or cultural inventions. They originated from God. Since God is the designer of relationships, it only makes sense that His principles are the ones that will make relationships work best.
This principle equips you with the right attitude to treat everyone well, as discussed in the post, ‘Treat People Right: Respect Everyone Regardless of Their Status.
Think about it this way. Whenever someone buys a new device—whether it is a phone, a generator, or a household appliance—the manufacturer usually includes a manual. That manual explains how the device should be used so that it can function properly and last for a long time. A wise person reads that manual and follows the instructions carefully. Such a person understands that the manufacturer knows the product better than anyone else.
But imagine someone who decides to ignore the manual completely. The person begins to use the device however it seems right in his own eyes. Before long, the device will likely become damaged or stop working properly. Not because the manufacturer created a faulty product, but because the instructions were ignored.
The same principle applies to relationships. God did not create relationships and then abandon us to figure everything out on our own. Instead, He gave us a manual for life—the Bible. In the Scriptures, God provides wisdom, guidance, and principles that help us build healthy and meaningful relationships. These principles apply not only to marriage but also to friendships, family relationships, and every other kind of human interaction.
Unfortunately, many people today try to build relationships without consulting the manual. They rely on personal opinions, cultural trends, emotions, or social media advice. When problems arise, they sometimes blame God or conclude that relationships simply do not work.
But the truth is that relationships work best when they follow the design of the One who created them.
A wise person understands this and chooses to follow God’s instructions. When we apply God’s principles—such as love, patience, forgiveness, humility, and selflessness—we create the kind of environment where relationships can thrive.
That is why God’s principles matter. They are not restrictions meant to limit us; they are guidelines meant to help us enjoy the relationships God has given us. When we follow them, we align ourselves with the wisdom of the greatest Designer of all.
Before we proceed to the next topic, it’s important to understand why parents need to maintain strong communication with their children in today’s information age
Recognizing the Signs of a Toxic Relationship.
Not every relationship that begins well remains healthy. Some relationships slowly become unhealthy, draining, and emotionally damaging. The challenge is that many people stay in toxic relationships for a long time simply because they fail to recognize the warning signs early.
So let me ask you a question: How do you know when a relationship is becoming toxic?
A toxic relationship is one that consistently harms your emotional, mental, or spiritual well-being. Instead of bringing peace, growth, and encouragement, it leaves you feeling drained, anxious, confused, or constantly unhappy. The sad part is that toxicity often does not appear suddenly. It usually grows slowly, little by little, until it becomes normal.
One of the first signs of a toxic relationship is constant disrespect. In a healthy relationship, both people value and honor each other. But in a toxic one, insults, harsh words, and belittling comments become common. You may hear things like, “You are not good enough,” or “Nobody else will tolerate you.” Over time, these words begin to damage your confidence and self-worth.
Another major sign is constant control. A toxic partner may try to control who you talk to, where you go, or even how you think. At first it may look like care or concern, but gradually it becomes manipulation. You start to feel like you must always explain yourself or ask for permission before making simple decisions.
Let me ask you something to think about: Do you feel free to be yourself in the relationship, or do you constantly feel like you are walking on eggshells?
If you are always afraid of saying the wrong thing because it might trigger anger or conflict, that is a serious warning sign.
A third sign of a toxic relationship is constant drama and unresolved conflict. Every relationship has disagreements—that is normal. But in a toxic relationship, arguments never truly get resolved. Instead of finding solutions, the same issues keep repeating again and again. Apologies may be given, but the behavior never changes.
Another important sign is emotional exhaustion. Healthy relationships should add value to your life, not constantly drain your energy. If you notice that after spending time with someone you always feel stressed, discouraged, or emotionally tired, it may be time to step back and evaluate the relationship.
Here is another question for you: Does the relationship make you a better person, or is it slowly bringing out the worst in you?
Toxic relationships often lead people to become more angry, insecure, jealous, or bitter. Instead of growth, they produce frustration and emotional pain.
One more sign worth mentioning is lack of accountability. In toxic relationships, one person often refuses to admit when they are wrong. Everything becomes someone else’s fault. Blame is constantly shifted, and genuine responsibility is avoided.
Recognizing these signs is very important because what you tolerate today can shape your future tomorrow.
Healthy relationships are built on respect, honesty, kindness, and mutual support. They should help you grow, not shrink. They should bring peace, not constant confusion.
So take a moment and reflect: Are the relationships in your life building you up, or slowly breaking you down?
Sometimes the first step toward a healthier life is simply recognizing when a relationship is no longer healthy. And once you see it clearly, you can begin to make wiser decisions about the kind of relationships you allow in your life
How to Deal with Difficult or Toxic People Wisely.
At some point in life, everyone encounters difficult people. It may be a friend, a family member, a colleague, or even someone in church. No matter where we go, relationships are part of life, and unfortunately, not every relationship will be easy or pleasant.
Read the post, ‘How to Handle a Toxic Person in a Relationship Without Losing Yourself,’ to learn effective ways to navigate a toxic relationship while protecting yourself.
So let me start with a simple question: Have you ever met someone who always seems to bring tension, drama, or negativity wherever they go?
You try to be kind, but they criticize. You try to be peaceful, but they provoke arguments. You try to help, yet they still find a way to create problems. Dealing with such people can be exhausting if you don’t handle the situation wisely.
The first step in dealing with difficult or toxic people is recognizing who they are. Not everyone who disagrees with you is toxic, but a toxic person usually shows consistent patterns of harmful behavior. They may manipulate, constantly complain, spread negativity, or refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
Now here is something important to remember: you cannot control other people, but you can control how you respond to them.
Many people make the mistake of trying to change a toxic person. They spend their time explaining, arguing, correcting, or trying to fix them. But the truth is that people only change when they personally decide to change. No amount of pressure can force someone to become a better person.
Instead of trying to change them, a wiser approach is to manage how much influence they have in your life.
Another wise strategy is setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries simply mean knowing what you will accept and what you will not tolerate. Difficult people often take advantage of those who never set limits. But when you respectfully establish boundaries, you protect your peace and emotional well-being.
Let me ask you something to think about: Do you feel comfortable saying “no” when necessary, or do you always feel pressured to please everyone?
Learning to say no is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of wisdom.
It is also important to avoid unnecessary arguments with difficult people. Some individuals thrive on conflict. They enjoy debates, drama, and emotional reactions. When you constantly engage in arguments with such people, you are simply feeding the cycle.
Sometimes the wisest response is calm silence or a simple change of subject. Not every battle is worth fighting.
Another helpful approach is protecting your emotional energy. If you know someone regularly drains your energy with negativity, you may need to limit how often you interact with them. This does not mean you hate them or wish them harm. It simply means you value your mental and emotional health.
Think about this for a moment: after spending time with someone, do you feel encouraged or emotionally drained?
Your answer can reveal a lot about the kind of influence that person has on your life.
Finally, dealing wisely with difficult people also means maintaining your own character. It is easy to become angry, bitter, or resentful when someone treats you poorly. But responding with wisdom, patience, and self-control protects your integrity.
You cannot always avoid difficult people, but you can choose how their behavior affects you.
And sometimes, the greatest wisdom is knowing when to step back, when to stay calm, and when to protect your peace.
When Marriage Struggles Come from Rejecting God’s Word.
Our attitude toward the Word of God shows whether we are truly building our lives and relationships upon it or not.
When we fail to build our lives on the Word, it simply means we have rejected it. We begin to live independently of the Word of God. Yet this should never be the case. We came from God, and the Word of God is God. Therefore, we need the Word to live a meaningful and successful life here on earth.
Now think about this for a moment: what happens when a man rejects the Word of God, which is supposed to guide and sustain his life?
The same thing that happens to a fish when it is taken out of water will happen to him.
A fish is designed to live in water. The moment it is removed from that environment, it begins to struggle for survival. Eventually, it will die because it is no longer in the environment that sustains its life.
In the same way, many relationships today are struggling because people have rejected the Word of God. Some people see the Word as being too difficult to practice, so they simply ignore it. Others believe it is outdated or irrelevant for modern relationships.
As I have already pointed out, many people do not believe the Bible is the manual for life, so they choose to live without it.
When women understand the principles of God’s Word, they will see why they should always seek their husband’s consent before making a vow, as discussed in ‘Why Women Should Get Their Husband or Father’s Consent Before Making a Vow
I once shared the story of a man whose marriage completely fell apart because he refused to follow the principles of the Word of God. Instead of allowing Scripture to guide his decisions, he relied on his own ideas and emotions. Unfortunately, the result was a broken relationship.
Today, the internet and popular culture have become the manuals many people use to run their homes. Some people follow relationship advice from social media. Others are determined to repeat the same patterns they saw in their parents’ marriages. Still others want to learn from people online whose own relationships are not working.
One day, someone was discussing with me an advice given to him by an uncle or family member. I asked him a simple question: “Do you want your marriage to look like his?”
He immediately answered, “No.”
That question alone revealed something very important.
Now, am I saying that a person in a bad relationship cannot give good advice? Not at all. Anyone can share something useful. But the wise thing to do is to sieve every advice through the Word of God.
If what someone says contradicts the Word of God, it is better not to follow it. Advice that goes against God’s principles will often produce the same kind of broken relationships we see around us.
Sadly, many young people today say they do not want a “Bible kind of relationship,” yet they still want happiness and stability in their marriages. Unfortunately, many of these relationships fall apart not long after the wedding.
Couples or people in a relationship should learn to forgive, remembering that vengeance belongs to the Lord
Some people then ask, “But aren’t there many Christians who also have bad marriages or even divorce?”
Yes, there are. But the real question is this: are they actually practicing the Word of God in their relationships?
Many people identify as Christians, yet they do not see the need to build their lives and relationships according to the Word of God. When the designer’s manual is ignored, the results will always reflect that decision.
So before we ask why some Christian relationships suffer, we must first ask a deeper question: are they truly living according to the Word of God, or have they also neglected the manual given by the Designer?
Before you move on from this lesson, take the time to understand why you should not bribe God with a vow, as many do, but instead depend on His Word to receive answers
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